The Best Gift

Happy non-denomination winter solstice period.
-Politically Correct People

“Santa CAME!”

The one and only time of the year that I don’t mind the time Zoey wakes me, even if she comes into our room screaming with excitement. This morning’s festivities was all about Disney, Lego and Shopkins, which are just blowing my mind… what are these hideous little things?!? If you’ve seen these toys, maybe you’ll understand my confusion. Anyways, I’m a happy man because of the joy the day has brought to my little girl and the entire family. There’s been food and fun and lots of couch napping. As I look at my surroundings today, I can truly say that I am a blessed man.

 

I think I’d be amiss to not share some thoughts on the reason why today is so important to me. For me, it’s bigger than a moment in a manger. It’s bigger than a little baby and a naïve picture we’ve created in our heads of the nativity scene… Today is about the ultimate gift coming into our lives for the sole fact that no other worldly present would ever be able to satisfy the deepest need we all have. Sure, toys and gifts and celebrating each other are an amazing part of today’s events, but I’m once again reminded that my joy is found in my need.

 

1 Timothy 1:15-17
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

 

This baby, fully God and fully man, came as a gift to save the ugliest parts of me. The me that lies. The me that cusses too much.
The me that has issues forgiving himself as well as others that have dealt pain into my life. The me that still needs to balance working out my salvation while at the same time trying to realize that it’s not about works in His eyes, but abandonment of self.

 

Last night as I watched Zoey put out carrots for the reindeer and milk and cookies for Santa, a thought crossed my mind. My daughter’s faith in Jolly Old Saint Nick to come and bring her toys was so strong and so sincere. It was cute but more so it was unwavering. Just as much as Zoey loves the idea of Santa (and if you got a problem with the whole “Santa” thing, just move to West Texas and leave others be), I have to put my faith in the gift that God sent to me on this day.

 

The Gift, the love and mercy and forgiveness of my Father coming down to earth to live as the ultimate example as well as becoming the ultimate sacrifice for what I could never achieve myself. I can’t unwrap anything like that underneath the tree…

 

So today I encourage you, don’t let this season end without some reflection upon His goodness and His gift in your life. His grace is ACTAULLY amazing. Receive this gift of undeserved, unmerited grace and do your best to keep it close to your heart all year round.

 

Merry Christmas, friends.
Thanks for following along!

Content with my Contentment

I am content; that is a blessing greater than riches; and he to whom that is given need ask no more.
-Fielding

I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
Dangerous, I know.

The year of 2016 is almost at a close with a world of uncertainly laying ahead.
Now, I’m not sure what this year has been like for you. Maybe it was one of new adventures, new love, exciting opportunities…. or maybe its been the exact opposite with bouts of heart ache, loss or confusion…

Seeing as this has been an outlet for me to try and be as authentic as possible in hopes that my vulnerability helps spark some sort of ‘real’ journey for the readers of this blog, I have to be honest and say that I’ve been in a weird spot as of late.
Not passionate about too much.
Complacent with my day-to-day norm.
Not driven to seek the things that God has called me to (both new and old objectives). I seem to get this way when wintertime hits… Even so, I’m aware that I’m still in this place between who I want to be and who I am, all being found within the enormity of who He is.

As I sit and deliberate the overall taste that the year has left in my mouth, I’m left with the notion that I still have a lot of work to do with so many areas of my life and, for the most part, it starts with the fact that I need to rest assured that I have everything I need in this life through the gift of Jesus and His accomplishing work on the cross. That’s sound. That’s ‘capital T’ Truth. Reminding my heart and head of said Truth… harder than not.

The struggle I’ve faced time and time again this year has been being content with the contentment I’ve been seeking. This ever-eluding idea that there needs to be ‘more.’ That what I’ve lost or ruined in the past has become this lofty marker for where my happiness lies. 

I’m thankful that as of late, the Spirit has been nudging me just that extra bit, reminding me that I am not the sum of my mistakes nor am I only worthy if I reach goals that I deem important in my own little headspace.  Its almost as if I’m sitting here, writing, and resolving to repent from the times that I take for granted the blessings that I walk in day in and day out.

I’m reminded of David. Or Joseph. Or so many of the disciples.
Reminded of the seasons where they fought for or waited out His promises to unfold in their lives while at the same time being so incredibly cared for within their chaos. Here I sit, little to no chaos in my life these days, and I still seem to find myself having pity parties.

So yea. Maybe this is a pre-new years resolution for me or a challenge to you the reader. Let’s end this year with perspective that even though our situations may not look exactly how we thought they may or should look like, we are fortunate and underserving of the grace that meets us every single day.

More hope.
Less discontent.
More contentment.
Fewer inconsistencies of where we seek happiness.

Again, just some random thoughts.
Maybe you feel the same.
Maybe I’m just running around in circles out in left field.

Happy Holidays my friends...

Start to Finish

God would not bring you through a Red Sea and turn around and allow you to perish in a fish pond.
-Dent

I’ve been wondering, what are you thoughts on God’s plans for your life? Do you feel like you’re experiencing the blessing that most Christians believe comes from a relationship with Christ? Or maybe your faith has waned because you feel abandoned or left behind when it comes to where you think you “should be” (platform) in the Kingdom. Maybe you’ve experienced the beginning of God doing something really amazing in your life but because of certain circumstances, whether dealt by your own decisions or not, that good thing never fully came to fruition. Maybe you’ve been left to wonder, “there’s gotta be more to it than this…”

 This thought has actually come to mind because of my daughter Zoey. She loves to color and is actually becoming quite good at it. She’s been drawing little dresses, coloring pictures for her teacher; we even bought her one of those adult coloring books that are super detailed. The thing is, she’ll start these pictures but rarely finish before she moves onto the next one.

Maybe I’m reaching here, but it got me thinking about the trust that I’ve placed in the promises that God has spoken over my life. Just follow my not-so-sophisticated thought process and maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from.

 

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

 

Functional faith says that even if we don’t see it, we need to place our trust before our understanding in situations where we can’t see finality. I feel a lot of people bail on their beliefs because they don’t stick around long enough for God to prove Himself to be who He says He is.  It’s like they start to color the picture but fail to take the time to see the task to the end, therefore missing the true beauty of what they’ve been doing. Does that make sense to you? Our relationship with God and therefore our growth in God can bemeasured in time. So as we grow and mature with Him, the beauty of what we receive from Him becomes more and more evident as our journey progresses.

We can't quit on Him just because bad things happen. I’m not about to chalk up my past experiences of His grace and goodness to some “better time” in life just because things don’t look or feel like they once did. And on the flips side, God refuses to give up on us because of the flaws and faults that we continually struggle with in our lives. His loves surpasses our mistakes because He chooses to see us as He sees His own Son. It’s incredible!

 I choose to believe that if He started something in me, than He is absolutely going to finish it. The question is, am I in a place where I’m being faithful with what He’s entrusted to me to see it come to completion. The enemy wants nothing more than for you to believe the lie that too much time has past or that you’re too far gone to be used; that what you once experienced with God was just for that past season in your life. God has not forgot about you and the promises He’s spoken over your life.

 Remember, we believe in the Good News! And the good news is that God’s not finished yet. We can put our hope in what is to come. In the case for authenticity, we also need to be realistic and remember that this also maybe strike as bad news, that He’s not finished yet. That meaning He’s not about to let us stay connected to that which weighs us down and keeps us from progressing with Him.

There’s more wrestling.
There’s more excavating.
There’s more time needed to sort out those flaws and faults that have left you feeling inadequate and unworthy in His eyes.

 I’m not sure if this was even a cohesive thought.
I’m still thinking it through, I guess.

 Hebrews 13:8 reminds me that He’s not going to change. He’s the consistent one, not me. What He started in you, maybe even so long ago, He’s good for it!
Start to finish.

 

70x7

Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

There’s a song by a band I love, (and you should too) Brand New, called Seventy Times Seven. The reference of the title belongs to the idea found in Matthew 18:22 where Jesus tells us not to just forgive seven times, but 490 times. If you know the song, you’ll see the irony…

Jesus wasn’t given us a proper math equation towards divine absolution, rather, reminding us that forgiveness is something that takes time and is something we need to work at before it becomes an ingrained (yet never easy) part of our character. The fallen nature of man is quite the opposite, especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves. Like Adam and Eve, we run and we hide and we make excuses… We feel the shame and the guilt that the curse weighs so heavy upon us.

I’ve always felt like I’ve been a person who lets things roll off my back or “forgives easy.” In other words, I’ve learned how to cop-out quickly and burry real emotions like nobody’s business. It’s in our flawed nature that we hold unforgiveness in; that we harbor bitterness and anger towards people when we feel that we’ve been wronged. Fact is, there just a whole lot of us that have decided that we’d rather sweep these feelings or reactions under the carpet than face them head on.

For me, if you’ve been following along, you know that there have been times where I’ve been disappointed and felt like I’ve been done wrong by those that were once closest to me in my life. Sure, the dealings of my situation brought a huge pendulum swing/isolation to so many who once looked up to me or called me friend, so I understand the emotional place people found themselves in. That being said, I still feel the hurt of separation, as I know people still feel hurt by the decisions I made.

 

So where does that leave us?

Forgive. 70x7

 

This is a great thought. This pontificates well and I’m sure preaches really good to a riled up crowd, but it will only be tested in fire. I write this because, just a few days ago, I completely let my disappointment and anger get the best of me. For someone who blogs and talks about grace and mercy and forgiveness… I reacted the exact opposite. Maybe not in words but in actions; in body language and attitude. I failed miserably.

So now, in my awareness of who I was, who I am, and who I want to become; instead of sweeping this moment under the rug, I’ve chosen to deal with the heart issue. I don’t think we will never truly arrive to a place where our hearts and thoughts are completely pure and righteous towards one another, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t recognize our wrongs, check our motives and thoughts and say, “you know what, next time, I’m gonna do better. Next time, I’m gonna extend the grace that He extends to me daily.”

I’m thankful that through this journey, many people have shown an extensive amount of grace towards me. I’m thankful for my friends and family and those I meet along the way who have been impacted through the positives that God has brought about. But that doesn’t mean there’s no room for growth. On the contrary, being aware and authentic means that when hard situations arise in your life, you take the time to evaluate the truth of the matter and deal with it in the light of how deeply you yourself have been forgiven.

 

Forgiveness doesn’t equate to friendship.
It doesn’t always have to make way to platform in each other’s lives.

 

What it does do is free you from the burdens of your past and whatever room it was taking up inside of your heart now can be lent to the characteristics of Christ. Cliché? Maybe… but I say its worth a shot. Call it positive vibes, call it karma, or call it reaping what you sow... I believe that as we allow Christ to heal our hearts of the blows we’ve dealt and felt in the past and allow him access to the awkward moments of wrestling these moments out as we progress ahead, we begin to understand the strength and freedom that forgiveness brings our lives.

So continue to journey.

Continue to guard your hearts not with walls and barriers of past hurts or present doubts but with love and forgiveness that will cover future encounters. I promise you, its okay if you haven’t arrived there yet, but keep going.

Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.

 

 

 

Give it Up

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”
-Truman

I found myself in a new church this past Sunday morning. It’s a small Presbyterian church right next to my city’s University. It’s knows as the “Jesus Loves Students” church because of a tacky sign that once hung on the side of building. It’s actually a pretty interesting set up though. The basement has been retrofitted into a coffee shop, owned by a childhood friend of mine. Once a Pastor, now a barista (pretty much the same thing in my eyes… just the added bonus of unlimited lattes now).

Super proud of you Ben!

Anyways… I digress.

I’ve actually been ruminating over thoughts of “loss” or maybe better stated, a change of season that has brought a new normal to my life. Sitting in church, the pastor’s thought was like the proverbial cherry on top as to where my thoughts have been leading me. He stated, “We need to give up our right to be recognized.” Wow… It actually hit me like a ton of bricks. He was talking about how so many different organizations on campus were worried about naming the new Food Bank and how everyone wanted some sort of recognition in moving forward. Pastor stated that he didn’t care for any type of recognition; rather, he just wanted to make sure that people’s needs were being met.

Humble.

Sincere.

It was exactly where a Christian’s heart in serving other’s should be.

Mark 8:36 asks the question that all Christians should really dig into as they progress in life. When opportunities regarding vocation, notoriety and reputation come into play, we really need to ask ourselves what good is it for someone to gain the world and yet loose their soul.  Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an anti-famous, anti-platform thought. We need people in high places to be shining examples. I just know that these are the moments where the things we once were authentic in our belief system can get blurred or even put out to pasture.

Me personally? I know that I’ve had the best of intentions in many things that I’ve put my hands to and yet somewhere along the way the task at hand became more about me than the task. Does that make sense? I guess my heart for you as the reader is that as you progress in your journey towards authenticity, nothing, not even the goal of authenticity itself would be seen as some sort of trophy to elevate your ego. I know this, that even after loosing things that so many people deem important (status, title, platform, etc.), I’ve come to a safe and secure place where my Father tells me, not only have I gained my soul, but the favor and blessing that comes along with authentic relationship with Him and with others. These things bring me more happiness and value to life than anything else I could ever chase. 

When you’re on an authentic journey towards your true self, you will find that you have everything you need exactly where you find yourself. So live from that place. A place of thanks… A place that lives for others without ever needing any congratulations or any special sort of recognition. Keep your soul in tact while at the same time giving off exactly what the world needs; an authentic Christ follower. Again, I think Christ is more concerned with our hearts and the reason why we do the things we do more than He is with what we're doing. I want to do things in authenticity. I’m nowhere close. I guess that’s why it’s been on my mind as of late. I’m gonna continue to work on all of this. Feel free to try the same ;)

Stay low and stick to the cross!
Love you guys.

Flaws & All

“I am not an angel," I asserted; "and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself.”
-Brontë

If you’ve been following along with the story, I’m proud to say that I’ve done my best to pour my heart and soul out into the past blogs. I’ve never claimed to be a prolific writer. I actually had someone I respect so very much tell me that he would have stopped reading my story after the intro if he didn’t know me personally… but these writings have been drenched in pain, agony, grace, forgiveness and a hope for the future that He holds for me. And so, I’ve been left wondering, what’s next? Do I let this little project of mine lie or is there a bigger purpose to my ramblings?

 This is what I can tell you, through out the past 10 months I’ve received countless emails, notes and direct messages from those who have been journeying along either here on the blog or the Instagram account (@returning.home). There has been a resounding “thank you” for the moments of vulnerability and openness that has tried to be conveyed in these writings.

 Words sent to me like:

“God's graciousness and power should never be underestimated…”

“Your life, and what you've gone through, will be used to help others fasten restraints to their lives so they can arrive at the place God has for them in one piece. Both your voice and your pen will be engaged in this vehicle to freedom…”

“I have no doubt that you will touch many lives with your story because there are so many who wear masks to hide their pain and struggles and need to hear it...”

 “It has been encouraging and inspiring to hear and see the change that God has brought you to and to see that He has brought you home…”

 “You are sharing your brokenness in a time when it is simply not something people often do. I want to say Thank-you. Thank-you for being open, honest and encouraging other to do the same…”

 My heart in all of this was to not waste the pain I encountered in the hardest season of my life and I’m so very grateful that this has been a tool to not only share my heart as its transformed over the years, but to see that other’s lives have been turned closer to Grace because of my story.

 Maybe these next blogs won’t be earth shattering or as profound as some prior writings but I feel that even though I’m Home, I’m still learning. God is still shaping me and molding me and (even though I know He’s not) still shaking His head at my stupid decisions. The fact of the matter is, I know that my story doesn’t really have an end until the day I take my final breath on this earth; that every day is a new opportunity to grow or to fail. Every day I have the opportunity to progress into my future and into the plans that He has laid out for me or I can choose self-pity and self-loathing when I feel like “things aren’t going my way.”

 I’m flawed and still no where close to perfect.

I’ll always be flawed and miss that proverbial mark as a Christian but I’m learning every day that that is far from the point. It’s in my flaws that God is working. It’s through my pain that God is creating a platform in my life to show people what the REAL person of Christ looks like. Call it extreme grace, call it whatever you’d like, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His grace is actually sufficient to cover all of our issues.

 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness…” For me, this has been a journey of re-learning the core values that were taught to me in my youth. A Gospel message of grace with hidden undertones of “but don’t mess up…” and “if you are really a good Christian you wouldn’t have problems like…” As I’ve written before, I don’t take my newfound theological “a-ha” moments as license to stay the same Drew as I was three years ago or even the Drew I was yesterday, but I know that His love and mercy isn’t contingent on my behavior. I know that He loves me, flaws and all.

 Thanks again for following along. More coming soon :)

Remember, your story matters.

 

 

9/11

"You can be sure that the American Spirit will prevail of this tragedy."
-Colin Powell

September 11, 2001.
It was my first day of college.

I was eager with anticipation to start what would be a great adventure of learning the teleological approach to the book of Revelations (you can place that statement under the subject “the things you learn in college that you will never use EVER again.”)

I remember I was in my parent’s basement as the horror unfolded.

I watch the second plane crash into the tower.

I, like the rest of the world was wrestling through shock and confusion as the day’s events began to unfold. I remember my dad called the house. “Go to the High School and pick up your sister!” Everyone was on the highest of alerts. 

Now I know I’m not American but I’m not sure you’d have to be for your heart to resonate with the events that today represent. Today represents so many different things to so many different people. For some, it may represent loss and death. Others, it may represent a seed that has created certain ethnical biases in their life. I know that when I look at today, when I look at the big picture, I see how broken humanity is.

Now, for those of you who are tuning in today, you may or may not know my story or the whole idea behind the writings of these blogs. But for today’s purposes let me just share with you that I too include myself in the conversation of humanity and it’s brokenness. Not to draw any parallels that seem contrived or carry any sort of extreme significance of the happenings in New York fifteen years ago, but today also represents a three year journey for me and my family. It was three years ago today that the bottom fell out and my world came crashing down on me. Again, my heart isn’t to use the tragedy of other’s to bring platform to my own story… But, to me, its almost as if I have personal sense of how extreme being at the bottom on this particular day can really feel like.

So why post today?

I wanted to simply let you know that you have a choice today. Your heart has a choice on how to position itself in the worst circumstances that will inevitably come your way. I love the words of Joseph and his perspective in Genesis 50:20: “you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done...” It almost seems like quite the American mantra. What was planned for evil has, in some cases, rallied a country together in unity and in love. What happened in New York so many years ago was a terrible tragedy, but I’ve heard many stories as some people turned their hearts towards God and towards each other; they began to see the good that has grown out of one of history’s worst days.

Let me ask you, how’s your heart today? How are you dealing with those moments in your life that has left deep wounds? How have you decided to position yourself in grace and forgiveness and mercy towards those that have offended or upset your life with great measure? I know that the easy way out if to become callus, to became jaded and angry towards a person, a people group or a specific system. Believe me, I get those feelings.

I feel that God, in the fullness of his compassion and grace towards us, has shown us a better way. Today, in the reflection of our brokenness, I hear the echo of Christ’s words, “forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.” It’s the pure love that says, “I know you’re damaged, but I still forgive you. I know you’re lost and confused and I have a better way forward for you.” As we become aware of what we are able to accomplish in our own broken state, we are able to see our deep need to develop the characteristics that Jesus showed as He walked through the most difficult season in His life, the one resulting in his brutal death. But just like Joseph said, what was ugly and horrible and meant for evil was turned on its head.

It’s in Resurrection that we find life.
It’s in the worst moment that we find the Hope of the world is realized.

So no matter what today represents for you, I pray that as you take inventory of your heart and remember that in the moments in life that you’d rather just simply forget, that grace would become more and more of your motivator. That as you deal with the good, bad and the ugly, you would be able to see that through it all, God has been calling out for you to come closer to His heart so as to shape you into the authentic you that He’s created you to be.

God Bless you today.
And yes, God Bless America.