“I am not an angel," I asserted; "and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself.”
-Brontë
If you’ve been following along with the story, I’m proud to say that I’ve done my best to pour my heart and soul out into the past blogs. I’ve never claimed to be a prolific writer. I actually had someone I respect so very much tell me that he would have stopped reading my story after the intro if he didn’t know me personally… but these writings have been drenched in pain, agony, grace, forgiveness and a hope for the future that He holds for me. And so, I’ve been left wondering, what’s next? Do I let this little project of mine lie or is there a bigger purpose to my ramblings?
This is what I can tell you, through out the past 10 months I’ve received countless emails, notes and direct messages from those who have been journeying along either here on the blog or the Instagram account (@returning.home). There has been a resounding “thank you” for the moments of vulnerability and openness that has tried to be conveyed in these writings.
Words sent to me like:
“God's graciousness and power should never be underestimated…”
“Your life, and what you've gone through, will be used to help others fasten restraints to their lives so they can arrive at the place God has for them in one piece. Both your voice and your pen will be engaged in this vehicle to freedom…”
“I have no doubt that you will touch many lives with your story because there are so many who wear masks to hide their pain and struggles and need to hear it...”
“It has been encouraging and inspiring to hear and see the change that God has brought you to and to see that He has brought you home…”
“You are sharing your brokenness in a time when it is simply not something people often do. I want to say Thank-you. Thank-you for being open, honest and encouraging other to do the same…”
My heart in all of this was to not waste the pain I encountered in the hardest season of my life and I’m so very grateful that this has been a tool to not only share my heart as its transformed over the years, but to see that other’s lives have been turned closer to Grace because of my story.
Maybe these next blogs won’t be earth shattering or as profound as some prior writings but I feel that even though I’m Home, I’m still learning. God is still shaping me and molding me and (even though I know He’s not) still shaking His head at my stupid decisions. The fact of the matter is, I know that my story doesn’t really have an end until the day I take my final breath on this earth; that every day is a new opportunity to grow or to fail. Every day I have the opportunity to progress into my future and into the plans that He has laid out for me or I can choose self-pity and self-loathing when I feel like “things aren’t going my way.”
I’m flawed and still no where close to perfect.
I’ll always be flawed and miss that proverbial mark as a Christian but I’m learning every day that that is far from the point. It’s in my flaws that God is working. It’s through my pain that God is creating a platform in my life to show people what the REAL person of Christ looks like. Call it extreme grace, call it whatever you’d like, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His grace is actually sufficient to cover all of our issues.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness…” For me, this has been a journey of re-learning the core values that were taught to me in my youth. A Gospel message of grace with hidden undertones of “but don’t mess up…” and “if you are really a good Christian you wouldn’t have problems like…” As I’ve written before, I don’t take my newfound theological “a-ha” moments as license to stay the same Drew as I was three years ago or even the Drew I was yesterday, but I know that His love and mercy isn’t contingent on my behavior. I know that He loves me, flaws and all.
Thanks again for following along. More coming soon :)
Remember, your story matters.
