“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
-Twain
I realize that it’s been a good while since I’ve posted any thoughts here. I haven’t been in the best of spirits as of late and every time I start to write a blog, I only get so far and then just end up shutting the computer.
I’ve reminded myself that even though my thoughts aren’t always completely positivity or saturated in joy, I had made a choice…
I know there is many people who have felt or are feeling the same way I do, and so, my vulnerability and pain doesn’t have to go to waste.
At the moment, I’m dealing with situations, both new and old, that are exhausting me; mind, body and spirit. The thoughts and “what ifs” and the “if onlys” spiral through my mind every day and, if I’m honest, I find myself becoming callus and angry. Acting in a way that in contrary to whom I have been journeying to become.
Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…” I read this, and I remember when Jesus himself showed up to the synagogue that day and started flipping tables. Righteous anger, I’ve heard it called. As far as my attitude has been, I’m far past flipping tables…
I am having the hardest time in my current situation taking the injustice I feel has happened and not sin in my anger.
Its in these moments (and I know this time around I’m super late to the party this time around) I need to remind myself that I am responsible for what I think, say and do. There will continually be moments in life where I’m dealt (or I deal) disappointment, but its what I do in those moments and how I process those moments that truly shows personal growth and conviction to the Grace that I so desperately want to walk in.
My friend Jesse Norman (check out @mycitycentral on Instagram) posted this on Facebook and it hit me like a ton of bricks. He said, “We don't get to choose what happens to us, we do get to choose how we respond!”
I have a choice in my anger. I can fly off the handle and let entitlement and ego raise its ugly head… I can curse and speak death over a situation… or… I can come back to what this blog has been all about. The idea that we are all broken. The idea that we are all on a journey and sometimes our journey can makes others lives very uncomfortable. Again, these are good thoughts, its putting them into action that becomes challenging.
I’m optimistic that my heart can continue to heal. I’m hopeful that within all that I’ve journeyed over these past years, I can extend the grace that others have chosen not to extend my way. And hey… listen. I totally get it. Sometimes we allow anger to consume any possibility of hope and restoration for relationship. Dealing with forgiveness and offense isn’t a walk in the park. It can get messy and may take a long time to process. But process we must.
In continuing being semi-vague and vulnerable, tonight I received a very intense and angry message concerning the happenings of the “story” in the early moments of this blog. Surprisingly, it was the first of its kind. No matter what I think about its validity, I was reminded that we are all capable of creating trauma through the decisions we make.
As a believer, I need to remain rooted in the fundamental truths of the gospel as well as the central characteristics of Christ. I am called to forgive as I've been forgiven, I'm called to love the unloveable. I'm called to turn the other cheek...
The person who sent me said message actually helped open my eyes as to the anger that I’ve been holding inside of me. The little pity party that I've been having needs to be replaced with the joy that is set before me, knowing that no matter what mistakes I make along the way, no matter the injustices that I may face currently, the best is coming. The best is only in and through Christ.
I obviously am still learning and growing.
I probably won’t get it right every time in the future.
I know I’m bound to fail again…
Let’s make a decision together, here and now, to never forget the darkest moments of our lives and how people were there to forgive us, rebuild trust and believe in us that we could move forward in becoming our true, authentic selves. Let’s be those kind of people. Let’s actually step up and try to be the definition of Christian.
Christ like.
Here’s to His grace.
Thanks for the reminder of your goodness, Dad.
