Give it Up

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”
-Truman

I found myself in a new church this past Sunday morning. It’s a small Presbyterian church right next to my city’s University. It’s knows as the “Jesus Loves Students” church because of a tacky sign that once hung on the side of building. It’s actually a pretty interesting set up though. The basement has been retrofitted into a coffee shop, owned by a childhood friend of mine. Once a Pastor, now a barista (pretty much the same thing in my eyes… just the added bonus of unlimited lattes now).

Super proud of you Ben!

Anyways… I digress.

I’ve actually been ruminating over thoughts of “loss” or maybe better stated, a change of season that has brought a new normal to my life. Sitting in church, the pastor’s thought was like the proverbial cherry on top as to where my thoughts have been leading me. He stated, “We need to give up our right to be recognized.” Wow… It actually hit me like a ton of bricks. He was talking about how so many different organizations on campus were worried about naming the new Food Bank and how everyone wanted some sort of recognition in moving forward. Pastor stated that he didn’t care for any type of recognition; rather, he just wanted to make sure that people’s needs were being met.

Humble.

Sincere.

It was exactly where a Christian’s heart in serving other’s should be.

Mark 8:36 asks the question that all Christians should really dig into as they progress in life. When opportunities regarding vocation, notoriety and reputation come into play, we really need to ask ourselves what good is it for someone to gain the world and yet loose their soul.  Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an anti-famous, anti-platform thought. We need people in high places to be shining examples. I just know that these are the moments where the things we once were authentic in our belief system can get blurred or even put out to pasture.

Me personally? I know that I’ve had the best of intentions in many things that I’ve put my hands to and yet somewhere along the way the task at hand became more about me than the task. Does that make sense? I guess my heart for you as the reader is that as you progress in your journey towards authenticity, nothing, not even the goal of authenticity itself would be seen as some sort of trophy to elevate your ego. I know this, that even after loosing things that so many people deem important (status, title, platform, etc.), I’ve come to a safe and secure place where my Father tells me, not only have I gained my soul, but the favor and blessing that comes along with authentic relationship with Him and with others. These things bring me more happiness and value to life than anything else I could ever chase. 

When you’re on an authentic journey towards your true self, you will find that you have everything you need exactly where you find yourself. So live from that place. A place of thanks… A place that lives for others without ever needing any congratulations or any special sort of recognition. Keep your soul in tact while at the same time giving off exactly what the world needs; an authentic Christ follower. Again, I think Christ is more concerned with our hearts and the reason why we do the things we do more than He is with what we're doing. I want to do things in authenticity. I’m nowhere close. I guess that’s why it’s been on my mind as of late. I’m gonna continue to work on all of this. Feel free to try the same ;)

Stay low and stick to the cross!
Love you guys.

Flaws & All

“I am not an angel," I asserted; "and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself.”
-Brontë

If you’ve been following along with the story, I’m proud to say that I’ve done my best to pour my heart and soul out into the past blogs. I’ve never claimed to be a prolific writer. I actually had someone I respect so very much tell me that he would have stopped reading my story after the intro if he didn’t know me personally… but these writings have been drenched in pain, agony, grace, forgiveness and a hope for the future that He holds for me. And so, I’ve been left wondering, what’s next? Do I let this little project of mine lie or is there a bigger purpose to my ramblings?

 This is what I can tell you, through out the past 10 months I’ve received countless emails, notes and direct messages from those who have been journeying along either here on the blog or the Instagram account (@returning.home). There has been a resounding “thank you” for the moments of vulnerability and openness that has tried to be conveyed in these writings.

 Words sent to me like:

“God's graciousness and power should never be underestimated…”

“Your life, and what you've gone through, will be used to help others fasten restraints to their lives so they can arrive at the place God has for them in one piece. Both your voice and your pen will be engaged in this vehicle to freedom…”

“I have no doubt that you will touch many lives with your story because there are so many who wear masks to hide their pain and struggles and need to hear it...”

 “It has been encouraging and inspiring to hear and see the change that God has brought you to and to see that He has brought you home…”

 “You are sharing your brokenness in a time when it is simply not something people often do. I want to say Thank-you. Thank-you for being open, honest and encouraging other to do the same…”

 My heart in all of this was to not waste the pain I encountered in the hardest season of my life and I’m so very grateful that this has been a tool to not only share my heart as its transformed over the years, but to see that other’s lives have been turned closer to Grace because of my story.

 Maybe these next blogs won’t be earth shattering or as profound as some prior writings but I feel that even though I’m Home, I’m still learning. God is still shaping me and molding me and (even though I know He’s not) still shaking His head at my stupid decisions. The fact of the matter is, I know that my story doesn’t really have an end until the day I take my final breath on this earth; that every day is a new opportunity to grow or to fail. Every day I have the opportunity to progress into my future and into the plans that He has laid out for me or I can choose self-pity and self-loathing when I feel like “things aren’t going my way.”

 I’m flawed and still no where close to perfect.

I’ll always be flawed and miss that proverbial mark as a Christian but I’m learning every day that that is far from the point. It’s in my flaws that God is working. It’s through my pain that God is creating a platform in my life to show people what the REAL person of Christ looks like. Call it extreme grace, call it whatever you’d like, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His grace is actually sufficient to cover all of our issues.

 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness…” For me, this has been a journey of re-learning the core values that were taught to me in my youth. A Gospel message of grace with hidden undertones of “but don’t mess up…” and “if you are really a good Christian you wouldn’t have problems like…” As I’ve written before, I don’t take my newfound theological “a-ha” moments as license to stay the same Drew as I was three years ago or even the Drew I was yesterday, but I know that His love and mercy isn’t contingent on my behavior. I know that He loves me, flaws and all.

 Thanks again for following along. More coming soon :)

Remember, your story matters.

 

 

9/11

"You can be sure that the American Spirit will prevail of this tragedy."
-Colin Powell

September 11, 2001.
It was my first day of college.

I was eager with anticipation to start what would be a great adventure of learning the teleological approach to the book of Revelations (you can place that statement under the subject “the things you learn in college that you will never use EVER again.”)

I remember I was in my parent’s basement as the horror unfolded.

I watch the second plane crash into the tower.

I, like the rest of the world was wrestling through shock and confusion as the day’s events began to unfold. I remember my dad called the house. “Go to the High School and pick up your sister!” Everyone was on the highest of alerts. 

Now I know I’m not American but I’m not sure you’d have to be for your heart to resonate with the events that today represent. Today represents so many different things to so many different people. For some, it may represent loss and death. Others, it may represent a seed that has created certain ethnical biases in their life. I know that when I look at today, when I look at the big picture, I see how broken humanity is.

Now, for those of you who are tuning in today, you may or may not know my story or the whole idea behind the writings of these blogs. But for today’s purposes let me just share with you that I too include myself in the conversation of humanity and it’s brokenness. Not to draw any parallels that seem contrived or carry any sort of extreme significance of the happenings in New York fifteen years ago, but today also represents a three year journey for me and my family. It was three years ago today that the bottom fell out and my world came crashing down on me. Again, my heart isn’t to use the tragedy of other’s to bring platform to my own story… But, to me, its almost as if I have personal sense of how extreme being at the bottom on this particular day can really feel like.

So why post today?

I wanted to simply let you know that you have a choice today. Your heart has a choice on how to position itself in the worst circumstances that will inevitably come your way. I love the words of Joseph and his perspective in Genesis 50:20: “you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done...” It almost seems like quite the American mantra. What was planned for evil has, in some cases, rallied a country together in unity and in love. What happened in New York so many years ago was a terrible tragedy, but I’ve heard many stories as some people turned their hearts towards God and towards each other; they began to see the good that has grown out of one of history’s worst days.

Let me ask you, how’s your heart today? How are you dealing with those moments in your life that has left deep wounds? How have you decided to position yourself in grace and forgiveness and mercy towards those that have offended or upset your life with great measure? I know that the easy way out if to become callus, to became jaded and angry towards a person, a people group or a specific system. Believe me, I get those feelings.

I feel that God, in the fullness of his compassion and grace towards us, has shown us a better way. Today, in the reflection of our brokenness, I hear the echo of Christ’s words, “forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.” It’s the pure love that says, “I know you’re damaged, but I still forgive you. I know you’re lost and confused and I have a better way forward for you.” As we become aware of what we are able to accomplish in our own broken state, we are able to see our deep need to develop the characteristics that Jesus showed as He walked through the most difficult season in His life, the one resulting in his brutal death. But just like Joseph said, what was ugly and horrible and meant for evil was turned on its head.

It’s in Resurrection that we find life.
It’s in the worst moment that we find the Hope of the world is realized.

So no matter what today represents for you, I pray that as you take inventory of your heart and remember that in the moments in life that you’d rather just simply forget, that grace would become more and more of your motivator. That as you deal with the good, bad and the ugly, you would be able to see that through it all, God has been calling out for you to come closer to His heart so as to shape you into the authentic you that He’s created you to be.

God Bless you today.
And yes, God Bless America.

Stick Close

All seasons have something to offer.
-Walls

Just a quick note as we move forward…

I wish I could be writing to you, almost 2 years after I penned all of the words that came before this post, telling you that I had it all figured out. That life has been incredibly perfect and the awareness that I’ve received via bad decisions, accompanied by incredible grace, has been more than enough to pave the road forward with minimal potholes.
That would be ideal. Unfortunately, that would be a lie.

Not that things are bad, not by any means.
If I took inventory of life right now, I could only say that I’m incredibly blessed. Stable jobs, a beautiful daughter who is graduating Kindergarten tomorrow morning, a pool in the backyard with the Tiger’s games always on the radio…
Things are good.

I am, however, acutely aware that even though things look really good right now (other than the Tiger’s sitting at .500), there is still a battle going on for my heart. God is still on a rescue mission to redeem and restore His child. More than anything, as I move forward in life, I know I have to stick close to my Dad. In the lowest moments, those ones where I have to pull myself out of the rut I’ve somehow managed to get myself back into, I’ve taken a step back and realized that I’ve fallen because I haven’t stuck close to Abba Father and the tools that He’s put in my life to stay on track.

Follow this memory for a moment…
When I was in grade five, I remember my parents took me to see Carman and, at the time, a lesser-known group named DCTalk at the Silverdome in Michigan. For an 11 year old, this place was huge and was packed with sheltered Christian families who actually believed Carman was actually a good musician… (yeah, I went there.)
In between the two acts, I went to get refreshments with my dad and amongst the crowds of people we became separated.  Now, I’m not too how long I was ‘lost’ but I can vividly remember the fear, the tears and how long it took me to calm down after my dad found me and brought me back to out seats.

This memory reminds me exactly how I feel when I leave God behind and start making decisions on my own. I become like a child again, lost and confused and wondering if its all going to be okay in the end. Call it maturity, perspective or call it time, I now know that no matter how far off the grid we go, God will never be too far off to bring us back into His plans. Sure, it might take time and it might come with consequences but all of His plans are saturated with His love for us. There have been moments where I’ve asked, “God, why do I still feel this way about…” or “ why hasn’t this panned out how we thought it would…” I think I have that part of God figured out though. He’s not about to release us to our next season until He’s captured our hearts in such a way that when we move forward, we won’t be taken out! Like a Father, running through the halls frantically looking for his lost child, God is on task to make sure that His children are safe and exactly where they should be in His care.

That being said, I still don’t have it all together.
My head spins.
My heart sinks.
My hope wanes.

In this new season of life, though there’s still a battle for my heart and though I still have moments where I find myself feeling low, there’s a big difference. I know that I have all I need in Christ to live a victorious life as His kid. I know that He will never stop perusing and rescuing and restoring all which the enemy made me believe he’d stolen.  (Philippian’s 4:19/1Peter 1:3)

I encourage you to keep moving forward and keep yourself surrounded with those who will encourage and fight the good fight along side you. I declare you’re not alone and that God has given you an arsenal at your disposal to make sure you have all you need to live a full and authentic life in Him!

Not sure if that helps at all, but it’s a good reminder for me…

 

It Will Dad...

Write out of love. Your piece will finish itself
-Posey

So this will be the final entry in the writings I'd put together over a few years back. Thanks to those who have followed along, sent messages to me and my family and believed that His grace is truly enough not only to cover our worst moments, but enough to launch us into awareness that we are made for more! Your love and support, even if we don't know you directly, has been truly amazing.

That being said, I have two things I want to leave you with really quickly. (How many times have you heard that at the end of a sermon? 45 minuets later…)

First, home means something completely different to me nowadays. Understand that I’ve written this book over the course of a little more than two years, most thoughts being jotted down on my iPhone as I would be on a run. I’ve earlier described the city I lived in as a place that I was glad to be FROM; a place I wasn’t happy to return to. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, don’t you agree? Over these years God has changed my heart for this city. I see it in a way I once didn’t. I see its beauty and its uniqueness. Most of all, I see people differently. I believe there is a special need for the church to not demolish its old ways and its old guard but to renovate the way in which it reaches and helps it’s people. I’m dreaming of what that could look like and how my family and I could be apart of that in the days to come. My heart was hard in the beginning and I was still figuring out what these changes in my life would all mean for my future. I think when we harden our hearts to a place or a time in our lives, we might miss out on what God is trying to speak to us. It just might be that the places you once tried so hard to run from may be the placed that need you the most. So I ask you to pray for your city. Even if you sometimes ask, ‘can anything good come from…’

Second, Zoey came into my room the other day while I was on the bed writing. We’ve had this understanding while I would be working on this project that the second she asked me to come play, I would put down my computer and focus on her. It was never a hard battle; the fact that I have raging A.D.D. coupled with a chance to wrestle or playing with Zoey and her toys is always wins. One day she came into my room and I asked her, “did you want me to come play?” She shook her head. She then asked me, “daddy, why do you write so much?” (Even as I write this, my eyes begin to fill.) I told her that I write because it helps daddy. That it helps daddy heal from the things he’s done wrong in the past and reminds me that the future is very important to us. I told her I write because in time I hope my words would help others. She looked at me and, with the most innocent and sincere heart said, “It will daddy.”

If you are stranded in sin or lost in the cycle of repetitive destructive decisions that know that there is a joy set before you that can renew every little thing about you that you once thought irredeemable. I’d love to hear your stories. I’d love to hear about your pain turned to joyfulness. Whether the issue was big or small. Whether everyone knows about it or no one knows. I believe that the first step to freedom is fully surrendering every part of ourselves to God and then, after the healing and mending has taken place, your story can bring others from where you once were to the freedom in which you now live.

I’d love for you to connect with me on Facebook or Instagram or you could even hit me with a message in the contact section. Thanks again for following along. I'm sure more thoughts will fill my head soon enough, so keep checking back.

 

Keep learning.

Keep journeying.

Keep returning to His heart.

Welcome Home.

Forward Moves Only

The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem--not others.
-Alder

This is the point of the story where I wanted to tell you to get on your iPhone, click iTunes and turn up L.L. Cool J’s Mamma Said Knock You Out.

“Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years…”

There have been moments through this journey and I’m sure through the days that will follow where I’ve failed miserably. There are moments where my flesh still wants to throw shade at those who ignorantly gossiped about my family and my situation over this past season. Everything in me wants to post a big ‘I told you so’ on social media accounts to show people how wrong they were about me. I have no doubt that the old me would have done exactly that. I would have spiritually justified my actions in response that ‘haters are my elevators’ and I was simply rejoicing in what ‘God’ has done. It’s crazy how fast pride can sneak into one’s thought process. I was so full of pride. So full of selfish desires and schemes to get to the top of the tops and as I look back am truly ashamed of how my sin complied as the years progressed.

Thankfully, my desires and my longings have shifted in the light of how truly gracious God has been to me even though I don’t deserve it. I no longer have any aspirations to prove anything to anyone other than to my wife and my little girl that I, with guidance of the Holy Spirit, can be the best husband and father I can be. I’ve had something in the back of my mind that says wouldn’t it be something to show people that the guy who was once at the top of his game is back in action; back doing all the amazing things that he used to do! I’m thrilled to say that only a shadow of that man exists. I still have no platform to stand upon. No bright lights in my face, no one re-tweeting all of my 140 character pontifications. For the most part, outside of the passions that God never lets completely die off, I’m finally okay with where I’m at, because I’m 100% home.

I watched an interview where former Mars Hill Pastor Mark Discoll sit down alongside his wife while Pastor Brian Houston of Hillsong Sydney brought some questions to the table about their former ministry and life in Seattle.  Both Andy and I watched and were blown away by what we saw. The thing that stood out the most was the gracious manner in which Brian conducted the interview. He asked some tough questions and made no apologies for holding Mark accountable for some of the things he’d said and done in the past all the while doing so with such compassion and empathy.  Also, I was impressed by Mark Driscoll’s countenance. I had only seen Mark preach live once at a Men’s Conference in the Toronto area just before all of his issues came to a head and the only thing I clearly remember from his message that day was the moment where he started yelling at the crowd, “You are all sons of the devil!” That being said, I wasn’t particularly into the way in which the message was brought forth.  The Mark I watched in the hour interview was a different man. Humbled. Caring. Calm. The quote that hit me like a slap in the face was when he stated, “I’m not here to win…” He was referencing the state of the emotions he could have conveyed in the interview and as I believe, on a larger scale, his life.  I have the link to the interview saved in my bookmarks and have told Andy to remind me to go back to it from time to time as a reminder. Do I believe all the theological nuances or communication styling in which Driscoll brings to the table? No. But I do champion him. As Brian prays at the end of the interview, I echo, that it is because of the humility that Mark now is walking in, his best days are ahead of him.

I was left hopeful for my family and I after watching this interview. My expectation is that our stories will change lives and bring healing to those who are in need of a release from their chains and I believe the same can be true for you. I know that there are only two things that will be the wind in our sails as we move forward; a deep love for one another and submission to our Good Father. We maybe not have it all figured out and I know that the wind and the waves are still going to happen. Its in moving forward that our eyes are now set on the One who will keep us, as He called us, for better or for worse, as we journey the rest of our lives together.

My heart is satisfied in what I’ve learned through this difficult season of life. Its only by God’s grace and the grace of those who’ve invested in this journey that I can say, even with my limp, that I’ve come out a stronger, better man on the other side. I am no longer the man I was on the stage or the man I was in the dark places. I am restored. I am new.

As for what’s next? One thing is for sure; the Riach’s have hopes and dreams for the future. Sure, we’ve had some phone calls from friends and ministry acquaintances in the past that have inquired about where we are at and how we’d like to move forward, but ultimately we know that His ways and thoughts are higher than ours, so we’ve just decided its best to stay in sync with the Spirit and continue on in the journey with our heads held high and our faith stronger than ever.

 

Isaiah 30:21
Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go, ”whether to the right or to the left.

 

More than anything, after all these words written and thoughts poured out, I’m left with a sense that nothing is impossible for our God. He can reach into your deepest doubts, fears and hidden aspirations and turn them around for the glory of His Kingdom. He is a God of redemption and restoration and calls you out of the chaos you’re in, even now. So I urge you, stop wasting time. Stop hiding from or performing for people just as an escape from the true pain that you may be dealing with daily. It’s time for genuineness and vulnerability to win over that which you mask. Today is the day of freedom and salvation and, even though it may hurt for a while, he’s molding you towards authenticity and, I promise you, there is nothing better.

 It’s in that place I say, Welcome Home.

Rest is Needed

There is revival after rest...
-Akita

 

One of the most satisfying feelings a man can have after a long day at work is to come home, put on a pair of basketball shorts and sit on his butt for a for a few minuets. THAT, my friends, is rest! Even if you don’t have that special pair of shorts that are waiting for you when you get home, I believe the ideas of rest and home should look like ought be synonymous. Yes, we can't overlook the tedious tasks like laundry and preparing meals and making our beds that comes with the package, but home should be a place where the ceaseless go-go-go of life can, at least, slow down for a moment if not a weekend. 

The same should be said of the place in our lives we abide with God. I find that my faith came easily be relegated to a schedule just the same as all of the other checks on the list if I’m not careful. If we are honest with ourselves, the moment we make time with God into something that needs to be crossed off the day’s list, its easy to become uninterested, missing days of communication with our Father at a time. The classic excuse? Oh… I’ve just been so busy. Don’t worry. You’re not alone.

 If we check out Luke 10:38-42 we read,
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

These few verses bring so much to the table for us to digest. The biggest take away for me is two fold. First, even with Jesus in our presence or, more simply put, for those who proclaim Christ to be the center of their life, it’s easy to get distracted with everything else that we face day to day. Resting in Him is a spiritual discipline that a lot of Christians don’t have in their lifestyles and its sorely needed. We read that Jesus is in Maratha’s home and she’s too worried about what’s in the oven than spending time with her God. It sounds all too familiar with Christians that I’ve talked to in passing years about the time they spend one-on-one with God. Granted, at first, it’s never the easiest thing to start a disciplined devotion and prayer life, those things do take time and effort. However, the payoff of those quiet moments with God is incalculable with the love and grace that He pours out over every aspect of the disorder that you set aside to be with Him.

Second, there is something to discover in the quiet times with God. Something personal, something significant that will feed your soul like nothing else can. Again, trying to put myself in the story, Jesus tells Martha, “Mary took the time, sat at my feet, and the things we’ve just discussed while you were banging your pots and pans around…” Martha’s attitude suggest that she thought her sister was just plain lazy. Know this, our understanding of rest, especially relating it to our relationship with Christ is never synonymous laziness. You see, Mary wasn’t lazy, she was smart. She took advantage of an opportunity to sit at the feet of Jesus when she could. While most of us are busy trying to work our way through lives, maybe even work our way through the storm, we need to cling to the simple truth and trust that we are called to rest at the feet of the one who can calm any wind and any wave.

Personally, I don’t ever want to miss another opportunity in life where I have the chance to sit at the feet of Jesus and rest, listen and learn. In past moments, even when I thought I was doing such things, I was busy, like Martha, performing for Him instead of what He really wanted from me, to be still in His presence.

 

Now that Zoey is in school full time, as parents Andy and I have really had to buckle down with bed time hours. We were so used to Zoey living her life within our schedule which equaled late bed times and in turn made a habit of letting her sleep in until she was good and ready to wake up, most times that being until around 9 or 10 in the morning. It was great until she needed her own schedule. Fighting the fact that that she needs rest at a certain time when she’s not ready is never the happiest of moments. There’s attitude, grumpiness and tears that come with the huffing and puffing comment, “but I’m not tired!” Five minuets later she in bed, out cold.

Try and apply the same understanding in the natural to that of the Spirit and you’ll get the same idea. Our

“I’m not tired” moments can turn into something very bad, very quickly. It’s when we don’t recognize our need for rest; our decision-making can become sloppy. When most of us are busy doing all we can to get ahead; when so many of us are doing our best to save face with those around us even thought we are tired and worn out, Jesus simply has a better way.

 Psalm 62:5
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God: my hope comes from him.”

 Psalm 116:7
“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

Sometimes its best that you take a step back and let God do something in His timing and watch how God will ultimately bring you to a better place.  Its in rest that the weariness of life fades and we find a place where simple trust and quiet releases supernatural strength for the journey ahead.

(to be continued...)